Disclaimer: This article is not a medical self-help guide or a professional article to handle mental illness. The purpose of this article is meant to help stimulate discussions around mental health and enhance the sense of support within the Napa County community. If you or someone you know is experiencing harmful or intrusive thoughts, we encourage you to contact any of the below for confidential and professional help.
Warning: The following interview contains an explicit discussion of suicidal thoughts, actions, and self harm.
Wellness Coordinator & Social Worker
Roxana Plancarte
roxana_plancarte@nvusd.org
707-653-1408
School Psychologist
Dr. Corinne Gomez
cgomez@nvusd.org
707-653-1408
School Counselor
Mark DeMesa
mdemesa@nvusd.org
707-653-1408
School Counselor
Tricia Hernandez
tricia_hernandez@nvusd.org
707-653-1408
School Counselor
Liliana Zmed
lzmed@nvusd.org
707-653-1408
School Counselor
Vanna Som
vanna_som@nvusd.org
707-653-1408
Mental Health Counselor
Gwendolyn Dean
(707) 251-9432
Mental Health Counselor
Dennis Reno
(707) 251-9432
Napa County Suicide Prevention Lifeline
(707) 253-4711
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
800-273-8255
Crisis Text Line
1-866-488-7386
Students across the world are expected to balance school work, extracurriculars, and household responsibilities. However, many of these tasks have shifted or grown heavier during the Covid-19 pandemic. Now working in a more distant and online setting, there is a lack of social interaction to help students feel a sense of community and structure. Hours on Zoom can drag on, days begin to blur, and it even seems the motivation itself is social distancing from us. It can be hard reaching out to friends and family to talk about feeling uneasy when our lives were paused nearly a year ago, but now we're forced to move forward. You may have felt this way, currently feel this way, or have no relations to this at all--but sometimes people can feel stuck. In this virtual age, it's easy to feel disconnected from others.
Even without the circumstances of our nation, mental illness among teens is a common issue. According to the National Institutes of Health, "nearly 1 in 3 of all adolescents ages 13 to 18 will experience an anxiety disorder" (McCarthy 1). Additionally, "between 20% – 30% of adolescents report symptoms of depression. While depression once was considered an "adult" affliction, the mean age of onset today is 15" (Dryden-Edwards, 2018). As these statistics increase, so does the need for solace for students. WolfPrints has decided to begin sharing stories from past and present Wolves to express how students feel about this topic or share their stories. Our goal is to encourage students to seek support from local resources--or even friends--and help them understand their emotions. But we also strive to cultivate empathy within those who are unfamiliar with this topic.
Jude Orozco is an alumnus of ACHS who graduated in 2016. Jude discussed his journey with WolfPrints near the end of 2020. This alumni was an active member of Marching Band and Choir and competed on our school's Water Polo team. As a former Wolf, advocate for mental wellness, and a member of the LGBTQ community, Jude speaks out on what it was like when he first realized he was struggling with depression and what steps he's taken to aid his well-being. The following are transcripted excerpts from his interview with a format of Questions and Answers.
[Interview Excerpts]
[TW: self-harm, suicide]
Interviewer: How has your day been?
Jude: It was good. I had to work earlier, so get that bread [laughs].
Interviewer: Where do you currently work?
Jude: Right now, I work at Crestwood Behavioral Health, and it's for adults; it's kind of a rehab center. They live there more long term, usually from months to years.
Interviewer: Are you working towards any goals right now?
Jude: Well, I'm doing school; I'm planning to get my AA then my Bachelors in Psychology. Then my Masters in Art Therapy.
Interviewer: What was student life like for you when you attended ACHS?
Jude: It was mostly pretty chill. I did a lot of extracurriculars like band and choir. I was able to share a lot of [school experiences] with the people around me during marching band.
Interviewer: So, did you first start noticing changes in your mental health at school?
Jude: I guess I would say during my senior year of high school. That's when I started to notice some [mental struggles] stuff going on. At that point, I wouldn't really talk to anyone about it. But I was aware of it.
Interviewer: Did you feel comfortable reaching out to the school or any outside resources during that time?
Jude: At one point, my teachers were kind of noticing. It was from 6 to 7th period when I had English Course then my Science Course. But I ended up staying in English class to talk to my English teacher because I was upset. Sometimes I would skip my Science class. But sometimes, my 7th period teacher would ask if I was okay and if I was safe, but I would respond with "I'm fine." I would usually talk to him after class and just talk to him after class about random things. One day I was sitting there and started crying. You know, as you do [laughs]. And he was kind of shocked and didn't really know what to do. But he just let me stay there. I don't really remember talking to my counselor either. We only spoke once about school-related things, so I didn't feel like I could open up to them.
Interviewer: When did you first start having thoughts or compulsions about harming yourself?
Jude: My senior year of high school is when I first started getting self-harm kind of thoughts, mostly like cutting, and from there, it progressed. And it was in high school when I first started to act upon those thoughts--it wasn't as severe compared to what happened after [graduation], though. I think it was built up from not talking about what was going on. I've definitely had on and off suicidal thoughts, and then there were a few times when I've acted on those thoughts and was hospitalized because of that.
Interviewer: To what extent do you believe the world around you contributed to those feelings vs. internal struggles with your emotions? Or any other factors that contributed?
Jude: I think it was mostly an internal thing. But I think that stressful situations that were amplified to senior years, like stressful senior year stuff, just increased what was already there. I wasn't able to come out until I was able to start addressing my mental health problems. I don't see that my gender caused my mental health problems, but I think that being in the mindset of not being able to share anything with anyone made everything hidden. First, the mental health problems came up but once that opened up, and I became more open about other parts of my identity.
Interviewer: Can you discuss the fear associated with making a decision as permanent as suicide?
Jude: I think that when I was in that mindset, I wasn't thinking about the consequences you could say. Yeah, because it's very like a tunnel vision kind of thing. It's hard to see the future of any type. And that just added to my thoughts. [Thoughts like] "I can't imagine a future, so it doesn't seem like a bad decision."
Interviewer: Since you have attended inpatient treatment centers in the past, was there any kind of support there that you wish there were more of in general?
Jude: It was just interesting how you knew everyone around you was going through something. And being able to openly talk about things that could be comfortable, sometimes when you're going through something, it can feel like you're the only one going through those feelings can be hard. But being able to talk to someone who goes, "Hey, I've gone through that too," and being able to joke about it [together] is comforting.
Interviewer: You mentioned that you felt like you couldn't really talk about your feelings. Do you think that's mainly because of being raised within a household of color, or is it something that's often stigmatized?
Jude: I think both contributed to that because family members on either side didn't talk about it much. But yeah, I think that Filipino culture did have a part in it. I think stigma added to it too. When I realized I wasn't doing well. I thought, "oh, maybe I'm depressed. Or maybe I'm just exaggerating." I didn't want to bring it up because it wasn't already being talked about, so how could someone bring that up? Afterward, most people found out, but people know, especially the people closest to me, know that I didn't want to hurt them. The only people I'm really fully able to talk about it with are people who have gone through similar experiences.
Interviewer: How would you describe your relationships with friends and family? Did the nature of those relationships change as you went through your personal struggles?
Jude: I guess my struggles made me realize I have a lot of people who care about me. Even when it was seeing them sad or upset made me realize that I have an effect on other people.
Interviewer: How did people react when you told them you were struggling with your mental health?
Jude: I feel like if I ever said anything about me struggling even a little bit, people tend to rush to wanting to solve it. And it can be out of them caring. But they go like, "oh, you're okay, it's okay, everything's going to be okay," and I know it's going to be okay, but I just want to be sad right now.
Interviewer: How do you think someone should support someone during difficult times with mental wellness?
Jude: I think validating their feelings is really good. Even if it's just saying, "Hey, I could tell you're upset, and you have the right to be upset. What can I do for you? Do you need anything from me?"
Interviewer: What other resources can students go to for help?
Jude: The place I used to work at LGBTQ Connection offers free therapy there too. They have a counselor there; her name is Gwendolyn. She's a counselor from Napa County, and she offers her time to give free counseling. You don't have to give insurance, and it's all ages. She specializes in talking to LGBTQ people, but you don't have to be part of the LGBTQ community to go there.
It's kind of weird right now because of Covid, but outside of Covid, she's usually able to go to school because for some students (who might not be out), so she goes to stay there after school [sessions] are over. That way, they don't have to tell anyone they're going to therapy. I think right now she's doing zoom calls. When I worked there, I went back to ACHS to do a presentation for the teachers to talk about it. I think that wherever you go, you should find someone you trust. If it's at the wellness center, that's great because it's so close, but there are definitely other resources you could find. I know, especially for LGBTQ, there are counselors who are knowledgeable. Even if that's not what you're talking about, it's good to have someone who knows because some therapists aren't focused only on that aspect like "oh, all of your problems are because you're trans." No, that's not even what I want to talk about.
Interviewer: Do you consider yourself recovered, or is recovery a lifelong process?
Jude: I definitely consider it as a lifelong process, and there are definitely days when it's harder.
At this point in my life, I don't think there's an endpoint of recovery, but compared to where I am now compared to where I was a few years ago, I didn't think I would be able to be in this position to help other people who are going through the same thing as me even with six months ago it's crazy how fast things can change. it's just about giving yourself the opportunity to grow and get better. I know I still have a lot of room to go and grow, but overall it's good to be proud of the little accomplishments that you get through. Even if it's just, "oh, I made it through the day."
Interviewer: If you could talk to your younger self, what advice would you provide?
Jude: Just opening up to people who care about you and let yourself open up to others--a lot of times, people will surprise you in how you react. You might worry about them not believing you. But it does a lot for yourself to trust other people. Even if they don't say something that can magically fix all your problems but just being able to trust someone is a good step.
Interviewer: Do you think there's still a lot of stigma in our generation regarding mental health?
Jude: I guess now it's weird because there's not really much stigma [in this generation]. But it's in a weird place because we [the younger generations] talk about being sad but not really much of the recovery kind of sense. It's more relatable now, like when someone says, "I'm depressed and sleep all day," and I go "well same" [laughs], but we should probably figure out what to do about that.
Interviewer: With everything being virtual, what are ways that you help yourself as we're stuck in quarantine and lacking the physical, social aspects to help us through the day?
Jude: I think creating some kind of schedule for yourself is really good; that's what has been really helping me. I've been bullet journaling a lot, and just giving structure to the day is helpful, so it doesn't just drag on and on. Just trying to do things for yourself, like learning something new, can be helpful.
Interviewer: What advice can you give students who feel like there's no other recourse or alternative to suicide?
Jude: I would say that all feelings don't last forever. Even good feelings or bad feelings are always going to change. I don't know. It's hard because when you are thinking of that, it feels like there's a lot of reasons why it's the route they should go through. But you just gotta know that's your brain messing with you. You have to find reasons that make you happy. Even if it's little things, Like your cat or your friends. In the end, it's not good to live for other people, But sometimes in your life you're really down and have to do that at first. And have to say, oh well, I'm doing this and putting in this work because it is work- but it's for myself. It's for myself because I deserve to be happy. It sucks feeling that way, not being happy. But you don't have to feel that way your whole life.
[End of Interview]
Though everyone has their own experiences with mental health, some may feel or have felt similarly to Jude when it comes to opening up to others. Nevertheless, it's extremely likely someone can relate to you in some form. There are numerous local resources who sincerely care for each students’ well-being and would gladly offer support during these troubling times. Our ACHS Wellness Center is full of friendly faces, some being our Wellness Coordinator/Social Worker Ms. Roxana Plancarte, and our School Psychologist Dr. Corrine Gomez. All ACHS teachers and staff continuously work to create an inclusive and welcoming space for students. We encourage you to confide in a teacher if you are experiencing any feelings of worthlessness, helplessness, urges of self-harm, or any other harmful behaviors. As previously mentioned in Jude's interview, LGBTQ Connections also offers free therapy to all individuals in the Napa County area. Talking to an adult might be difficult at first. Therefore, we suggest doing self reflection through journaling or talking to friends or family. If you know someone who is struggling with suicidal thoughts or depression please contact a trusted adult or one of the contacts provided in the table above. Again, the community around you cares for you. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done or haven't done. It doesn’t matter what you say or have said. Your voice matters, and you matter.
Note: to submit a story or offer the time for an interview please DM Wolfprints @achs_wolfprints on Instagram or on Twitter @ACHS_WolfPrints. Stories can be anonymous.
Works Cited:
Dryden-Edwards, R. (2018, June 19). Teen Depression Facts, Treatment, Symptoms, Statistics & Tests. Retrieved from https://www.medicinenet.com/teen_depression/article.htm#teen_depression_facts
McCarthy, Claire. "Anxiety in Teens is Rising: What's Going On?" healthychildren.org, November 11, 2019. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/conditions/emotional-problems/Pages/Anxiety-Disorders.aspx#:~:text=According%20to%20the%20National%20Institutes,will%20experience%20an%20anxiety%20disorder.
Jude’s Instagram: @juwuicorn
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